The rest is still unwritten… Episode Two

The walls have ears

“How was your day with the ladies? Any juicy gist?” Syd asked Marg as he was taking off his shirt

“Ha! Syd! You like aproko –poke nosing. It started off interesting but didn’t end as nicely as it could have” Marg responded as she struggled to take off her necklace. “Can you help me with this? I think it’s stuck”

“But that is typical of you ladies; you always find one thing or the other to bicker about. So what was it this time? Ade used Femi’s Brazilian hair by mistake? Or Ife is tired of Bomi always talking business?” Syd said as he began to struggle with the necklace

“I wish it was the usual but in summary, Ade invited Chima who is new in town to the lunch and Femi unknowingly hurt Chima’s feelings with some things she said”

“Isn’t that typical of Femi though? That girl always speaks without thinking” He concluded shaking his head

“I really like Chima though. Usually when misunderstandings like these occur, it results in malice and bitterness but she actually cleared the air straight away. You could see she was hurt but she made sure they trashed it out there and then. She also explained that she was ‘expecting’ and felt that was one of the last ways to celebrate her freedom”

“Very mature of her right?” He said as he finally managed to remove the necklace. “But I have a better idea…removing this necklace has given me ideas of other things I can help you remove”

She thanked him with a kiss “Don’t get your hopes up; the monthly visitor came by yesterday. Good night love”

*************************************************************************************************************

“Can you imagine the effrontery of that stupid girl?” Chima fumed as she paced

“Hey! Hey! Language please. Baby in womb listening!” Fega retorted sharply as he switched on the t.v

“Instead of you to ask what the matter is, you are already taking sides?” Chima responded walking away

“Taking sides with whom? The unborn baby? Are you kidding?” Fega glared at her in exasperation

Chima stopped in her tracks and headed back to the living room “I didn’t expect you to understand! It was your idea to move here, away from all my friends and family. The blame rests squarely on your shoulders”

“It’s either of two things; baby hormones or your usual hormones. Either way, I am not getting into another argument with you” He said as he flicked through channels absentmindedly

 “I hate it here! And I want to move back home!”

“Well darling wife, we are going nowhere, so you better deal with it”

“We are going nowhere right? Well that’s fantastic” She responded with applause “Just get ready for hell, both you and that Femi girl; you better put your arsenals in order”

Fega turned off the TV and sighed “I already chose hell when I married you, please go ahead and do your worst!”

 **************************************************************************************************************

“Kai Femi, God saved you today oh! Chima is so gentle. If it was someone else they would have torn you to pieces” Ade said as she threw herself on Femi’s bed

Femi opening her wardrobe replied “Please abeg! What did I say that hasn’t been said before? Her analogy was even flawed, so because she is pregnant that’s why she wants to snatch other people’s husbands with her dressing abi?”

“Haba Femo! First you said it was the kids you were concerned about. Now it seems the real cause of concern is coming out” Ade exclaimed looking up from Femi’s phone

“Ehn ehn! Of course now. You know mama and aunt Ife are cool but it’s not everything that I would say in front of them na!” She said as she pulled out her nightie

“Hmmm… speaking of husbands, you have a text from Mr. Tall and mysterious. I don’t understand why you can’t just call your toasters their real names” Ade said as she went through her sister’s phone contact log

“Well, it keeps busy bodies like you from knowing who is who. Sha open it, what did he say?”

“Hey! That’s unfair! I am your loyal listening ear” Ade chuckled in response “He is truly mysterious. He said ‘rough evening, why can’t the past stay buried. Free to chat?’ What is your own with his past? He should be talking about a future with you”

“Future? With him? Well I like him but he hasn’t made any moves yet and it looks like he has a lot of baggage from his past and I am not sure I want to be dragged into it”

“Well all I have to say is Lovers keep on loving, believers keep on believing” Ade said as she turned up the volume of the laptop

“That response makes absolutely no sense but that’s my Stevie wonder jam! So hit it girl!” Femi responded excitedly

They both use combs as mics, jumping on Femi’s bed; they dance the conversation and evening away.

 **************************************************************************************************************

“You should have seen the drama today at the girl’s lunch” Ife started as she dropped her bag and headed for the loo

“Trust you to always be happy with others misfortune!” Bomi snapped as he turned his attention from his ipad to catch her walking away

“I wouldn’t even dignify that with a response. You know you want to know what happened so you better ask me so that I can download the full gist” She called out from the loo

“I think I will just focus on the highlights of the football match I just downloaded. I am certain it would be more interesting” He replied as he adjusted himself on the bed to face the other direction “And close that door please!”

She called back “Well if you are not going to listen to my gist, you might as well smell my poo. Marg’s food gets better and better each time”

“That’s just wrong on so many levels!” He said as he stood to spray his hanky with his cologne “Unless this conversation is going to result in a business opportunity of some sort then…”

“Sijibomi! We are one of the wealthiest couples in this state. Your music production business is doing great and you just signed one of the biggest stars recently. You have enough money for your many generations to come…” she paused at her last words and held her head in her hands. It hadn’t dawned on her how much they gave up by deciding not to have kids until the discussion earlier that afternoon about kids and parenting.

“Ife…”

“Oh God! You scared me!” I have told you that I don’t like you creeping up on me. She responded startled

 “I have been standing here for a couple of minutes dear. I know I am generally an insensitive bag of bones but I do care about you and I know where your conversation was headed. Sighing he continued “I have been thinking about it myself and I think we should consider adoption”

“Really? Hmm… Aren’t we too old for adoption?” She also sighed in response

“Well what other options do we have?”

 “Well there is always me?”

“You?”

“I know what we said before but it feels like the right thing to do… for us”

“That is not my concern. My concern is if it’s still biologically possible. Haven’t you reached that stage in your clock yet?”

“Bomi! You are not only insensitive but unobservant as well” Ife snapped

“I am trying to help here!” Bomi snapped back “Well if we are going to do this, we have to contact our lawyers first thing tomorrow.

“Sure thing! I would get right on it partner!” She cooed

Bomi bent over to hug her “I sha love you sha… But this your poo smells really bad!”

“Trust you to ruin the moment!” She responded laughing and hugging him tighter.

The rest is still unwritten…Episode One

Thank you for taking the time to stop by, as always I appreciate it. This is a new series following the lives of different characters whilst also addressing cogent societal issues. Remember to let me know your thoughts in the comment section & Share with all your friends and family.

P.s: Watch out for the audio version, coming soon. Please check back for more details.

When Girls get together

“Can you imagine what that girl wore today? To the house of God for that matter! God must have choked on his spit watching her walk in.”

“Oh here we go! Femi what happened to the no judgement rule? Besides, what girl are you talking about?” Ade said, as she brought her plate of food from the kitchen.

“See Ade, no judgement doesn’t mean that I can’t say what I think! That’s another thing with you Christians these days; no one wants to hear the truth. As soon as I say ‘pokom’ y’all get defensive and start preaching the no judgement rule. Please abeg! Abi mama, what do you think?” She asked turning to face Marg who looked like she was already anticipating the question.

Ade, bursting into laughter, interjected “y’all? So, you are not one of us anymore right?”

Marg, a glass of juice in hand and taking a seat beside Ife, responded, “Well, in as much as I agree with you Femi dear, Ade also has a point. You shouldn’t always say what you think, that’s why God made thoughts and words separately. In the event that you need to speak, then do it in love, speak life to people in a way that they would want to hear more, not in a way that they go running in the other direction. I also appreciate that some of us are way too sensitive, any small thing, we pull out the no judgement rule” She finished.

Dropping her drink, Femi began “I hear you on this one mama and you know that I don’t really care about what people do or wear. It’s just that this lady in question is supposed to be an example; she’s a volunteer in the children’s ministry. I don’t think it’s fair to parents. After all the hard work they put into raising a decent child, some random lady in church ruins it all by the way she carries herself. I just think it’s highly unlady-like and they should vet who they let in more often”

“But Femi what are you worried about? You don’t even have a guy talk less of kids. So what’s the biggie?” Ife piped up. “Well, I cannot even remember when last I went to the children’s section.”

The air grew still and uncomfortable. Saved by the bell that had become a little insistent, accompanied by growing bangs at the door, Ade stood “I’ll get that shall I. That must be Chima, I invited her over mama, hope that’s okay? I forgot to mention it to you. She’s new in town, so please be extra nice to her.”

“Yeah that’s fine; let her in before she brings down the door” she said as she shooed Ade away.

Ade comes back with a stunning, flamboyantly dressed 5ft 7 beauty.

“Oh it’s you!” Exclaimed Femi, mouth half-filled, a look of surprise on her face as she began to choke on her food.

“Emm… me?” Chima asked, pointing at herself visibly-confused.

“Femi are you okay? Here, have some water” Ife offered.

You see why you shouldn’t talk while you eat?” Ade cautioned as she stifled a giggle.

After a bout of coughing, Femi responded shooting daggers at Ade with her eyes “I am fine! Thanks for the feigned concern”

“But I wasn’t even the one that asked if you were okay?” Ade burst into full laughter, then turning to Chima, “You have to excuse my older sister, since we were kids, she’s been known for speaking with food in her mouth, so this is a regular occurrence.”

“I hope you’re okay now?” Chima asked, turning to Femi “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Yeah she’s fine, don’t worry about her. So this is aunt Marg but we call her mama, please feel free to call her either and this is aunt Ife who insists…”

“Ife! Just Ife!”

“Exactly! Who insists on being called Ife, but don’t let that fool you though. She is old!” They both start to giggle.

“Ade, I can still whoop you, you know that right? Please pay no attention to her. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I actually insist on being called by my first name because I believe respect goes way beyond being called aunty.”

“Emmm… Ade can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?”

Dragging Ade into the kitchen, Femi queried,

“You could at least have warned me that your new friend was the person I was referring to earlier as the scantily dressed, peacock looking girl; instead of almost letting me choke to death!”

“Well I didn’t know she was the one you were referring to… So? I think we need to get back in there before they think something is really wrong.”

Just as they turn round to join the others, they see Chima staring back teary-eyed.

 *************************************************************************************************************

When the Boys get together

Syd looked around Tyler’s flat distractedly. “It’s so kind of you to host us, who knew a bachelor, could cook so well?”

“What I want to know is if you’re interested in opening a restaurant and using this talent to generate some funds” Bomi asked whilst picking his teeth and rubbing his belly with a look of satisfaction.

“Guy! Don’t you ever switch off? Biko – please, this Sunday lunch is for chillaxing not for business”

Unperturbed, Bomi continued, “Abeg forget Syd, the guy is loaded. Shebi you want to make money? Climb higher on the social ladder? I can make that happen. Just see me in my office first thing tomorrow.”

“Thanks for the offer Bomi but I’ll pass. I am happy where I am and I don’t like to complicate things.” Getting uncomfortable and trying to deflect the attention he continued “Besides shouldn’t you guys be getting to know our ‘guest’ a little bit better?”

“Oh no you don’t! I’m a very good listener and I like your banter. So I’m happy to just listen” Fega blurted out almost defensively.

“Well, Tyler’s right. You’ve been very quiet. You need to loosen up. We are all friends here and forget that we, gesturing to himself and Bomi, are old. We still like to gist as usual and as we often say, whatever we discuss in boys land stays in boys land.” Syd offered

“Really? So our discussions never leave this room?” Fega cut in excitedly

Bomi chuckling to himself said “Well that would be entirely true except, Syd here has a big mouth, so whatever Syd knows, just take it that Marg knows too.”

“Hey! Don’t hate the player, hate the game. I can’t help it if I like to discuss things with my babe.”

“Babe? Ahem! Anyway, I also like to discuss things with Ife but I know where to draw the line.”  Bomi stated

Syd standing up and moving towards the window challenged “You see that’s where you are wrong! You are married for Christ sakes. There is no line. You gave up that line at the altar when you said I do.”

“Well registry in our case and that was so long ago. But that is not my point…”

Tyler taking a seat beside Fega offered “Do you want another drink? ‘Cos when those two start, it takes a while before they get it all out of their system. They wouldn’t even notice our absence”

“Sure. Ginger ale?”

“Help yourself to some, there’s all sorts in there” Tyler remarked, pointing Fega in the direction of the fridge.

“Thanks man! I like your friends; they are exactly as you said they would be. It is refreshing to find good Christian men who can still be so down to earth and not so, ‘Peace be with you always uptight’”

Laughing hard, Tyler responded “‘Peace be with you always uptight?’ Is that a different class from the usual uptight people?”

“Yes na! Those are the people that punctuate their every word with ‘eth’, for example they would say Hiseth mercieseth endureth forevereth. Ameneth somebodyeth!”

They both roared in laughter, and then Fega continued,

“But really men, thanks for inviting me over. I needed the break just to chill. You know with the move, the baby coming and everything. That sounds really bad doesn’t it? I don’t mean I need a break from Chima and the baby, I just mean…”

“C’mon! I told you we are not like that. We don’t judge. The mantra is come as you are bro”

“I find that a little hard to believe, no offence to you guys. It’s just that Christians always say that; Come as you are but in reality they put you under a microscope and begin to pick you apart. You know I am just a few years old in this whole Christianity thing and I am grateful for the support but sometimes you just wish you kept your mouth shut because people aren’t always as they seem”

“Bro!  You are sounding like a woman. We are men, we think differently and although we talk amongst ourselves we don’t slip up and let it get to the women folk. That said I know where you’re coming from and can assure you that every one of us here has a story and even though we are open with each other, we don’t cross the line.”

“That is comforting to know. But come oh! Cool people like you, what could you have done in your past that would be so shady? Especially you, even back in high school you were, dare I say, prim and proper.”

“Well that’s a story for another day” Tyler said beginning to pick up the empty cans that littered the kitchen floor.

“Ehn ehn before I forget, I was going to tell you that Chima and I would be honoured if you would be our baby’s godfather. We had a few options but I convinced her that I thought highly of you and that you’ve always been such an upstanding citizen. We, or should I say I , feel you would be an excellent role model for our baby. Before you say anything, at least just please think about it?”

Tyler looking a little worried responded “Wow! It’s great you guys thought of me, with Chima not even knowing me personally but… Well, okay I will think about it and let you know. Let’s rejoin the others?”

“Yeah sure. Thanks buddy.”

“Hey! There you guys are! We thought you had left the oldies to start a new revolution somewhere else” Syd started.

“New revolution? We wouldn’t dare” Tyler light heartedly retorted.

“Abi Ty has been showing you his great culinary prowess? I’m so sure you learnt to cook from Jumai; she was such a great cook Bomi said with a look of reminiscence .

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat “No… I learnt to cook before Jumai came into the picture.”

“Then it has to be that your crazy ex Amanda?” Bomi continued.

 “Jumai? Crazy ex Amanda?” Fega probed.

“Don’t ask” Syd responded.

“If it’s not Jumai or Amanda, then it must be your prison days, but quite frankly I don’t see how that would have worked” Bomi continued.

“Prison?” Fega queried again, looking even more distressed than Tyler. “Emmm… I think it’s time for me to head out.”

“Oh ok. Do you need a ride?” Syd offered

“No thanks, you guys have been enough help for one day. I don’t want to use up all your favour in one day” He said feigning a chuckle.

Hi, I’m C & I’m an addict!

I am not too sure where to start, but it’s commonly said “start from the beginning”, so start from the beginning, I shall.
You know there comes a time in life when we come to the realization of ourselves. We are all born or created and for the first few years are oblivious of self and existence. Then comes a time when reality dawns, you look yourself in the mirror and say hey! I know you! You are me! And thus the journey of self actualization begins. Well, for me, this journey to self actualization started a while ago, it’s been a very long journey and I am no closer to understanding myself now than I was yesterday.

You see, I say this because there was a time when I was unknown, a nobody. People knew my cousins, siblings and relatives but not me. I was the black sheep of the family, and still am.

I was one of the little people and I hated that status so much. But, what could I do about it? I didn’t make me, right? In my sorry state I began to experiment on myself, exploring various media and discovered I could do things that my relatives and friends couldn’t do And although I had heard that some before me had towed that path and ended up burnt real bad, I didn’t care. I wanted to be somebody. Not merely a number, but a force to be reckoned with.

So I continued my experiments, when suddenly – not too long ago – everything changed for me. Everywhere I went, there were big events that marked significant changes in history of the people I encountered. Overnight I became popular. I must say I wasn’t cool or anything, but I became popular fast and for all the wrong reasons. Among many things, I was nick-named the “life changer” and that title went to my head.

I began to bask in and drink the fame that came with my new found status and indulged in everything within reach, taking it all in my stride. I invested in diverse ventures to assure my place at the top of my game. Someone once told me that investing in the sun was the way to go and as ludicrous as it sounded I gave it a shot. Don’t ask me how, but my investments paid off and I became even more famous. I had my hands dipped into different cookies. Every sphere of existence, name it and I was there. I became the life of the party and the envy of my family but I didn’t treat them like they had treated me… No, I carried them along. Where I went, they went also and they were party to several of my investments. You’ve heard it said, “Do not mix business with family” Well, I defied the rules and made my family part of my business – I became their boss. I bossed them around and made them do and achieve things they could never have conceived of in a million years. Some of them disliked the new ruling and were silenced either by my legions or by themselves. I didn’t care though; I was on top and that was all that mattered.

I fast made new friends and they became my ‘homies’ – my new family, as my old family had become my workers and were no longer at par with me in terms of achievements. I had to roll with people of a similar class to me. I didn’t necessarily go out to seek them, they just naturally gravitated towards me and we just happened to agree on many issues.

I lived wild and on the fast lane and in the process, many who met me, met their end. But I was on top and that was all that mattered.

Then came my downfall. Some brave people who decided they had had enough of me banded together to work towards my demise. They were fed up with my strong influence over their lives and those of their family members and they were sworn to beating me at my own game. They strategized and engaged in awareness campaigns aimed at anyone and everyone who wanted to see to the end of my reign.

I was shocked when the news reached me. Lil ‘ol me? A full blown campaign against me and my corporation? Where were they when I languished in obscurity at the backside of life? I mean, I know my experiments were nasty, but they made me who I am today…

Do I regret that I started on this path? Yes. Would I like to change? Yes. Did I yearn for fame? Yes. Fame in this way? No. And that’s why I am here tonight to get help and to say I understand that what has to be done has to be done.

I wish I could go back in time, change everything I have done and correct my mistakes. I wish I had stayed in my place and functioned as I was meant to… But, I didn’t and for that I am truly sorry. I apologize to everyone here and out there whom I have hurt and on whom my many ventures have had incalculable adverse impacts… I truly am sorry.

So there you have it, that’s my story… Hi, my name is Cancer and I am an addict.

 

This piece is dedicated to anyone out there who has been touched by “C”, either through family, friends or personally.
Keep the faith & by His stripes we all are healed <3!

 

Friday, the 13th

“Hello, please can I speak to Mrs. Ojo”

“Yes, this is she, how can I help?”

“Oh good! Good afternoon ma, my name is Miss Elliotts from TSID”

“Ah Miss Elliotts, How are you today? I am so sorry I missed the Parents Teachers meeting last week, I had so many meetings scheduled and my secretary forgot to schedule the appointment in my diary. I received the necessary feedback from Jide though and he said it was a very good meeting”

“Oh that’s okay ma, as long as there is someone there to represent the kids and hear about their progress and the recent changes we are satisfied”

“Wonderful. Ok so I’m assuming you are calling as regards the fund raiser? I gave Juye the signed form, I will buy 10 places and …”

“Thank you ma, yes I… I got the form from Juye this morning but that isn’t why I’m calling…” she responded slightly irritated

“Oh?”

“Emmm… we require your presence at the school today, as there is a situation which needs your attention”

“Oh? Situation that calls for my attention? Whatever could that be? I am very busy, you just happened to catch me on the phone by a stroke of luck, as I am on my way to the airport”

“Madam! This is very important. If it weren’t so, I wouldn’t be calling”

“Don’t be sassy with me young lady, what exactly is the situation? Is Juye okay? Or has Sanmi been in a fight?” I replied slightly annoyed

“It’s a little bit more complex than that but simply put Juye is very ill, she fainted on the grounds this morning during the assembly and was taken to the sick bay where she has remained till this moment. The nurse in charge is demanding to see you as soon as possible”

“Oh my! Juye never falls ill? What has the nurse diagnosed? Food poisoning? Malaria? Typhoid? What?”

“Well she said… emmm… she is refusing to give out information, the whole patient confidentiality thing, hence she requires your presence here”

“In Nigeria? Patient confidentiality? It seems you know what it is, but you are refusing to say. Well why don’t you give her the phone so she can explain what’s wrong to me?”

“She is attending to other patients at the moment but she said it is very urgent and is hoping you can get here as soon as possible”

“Other patients? In a school sick bay? Hmmm…That’s okay, if it’s that urgent I will turn the car round and reschedule my flight. I will be there in the next thirty minutes”

“Ok ma, we will be expecting you”

“Good bye Miss Elliotts”

“Bye Mrs Ojo”

Juye ill? That is so strange, she is always as fit as a fiddle, oh well I guess I will find out when I get there.

“Freddy, please turn the car round and head for Juye’s school”

“Ok Madam, hope no problem ma? Abi she dey follow you fly”

“Not now Freddy, just drive please!”

“Sorry ma!”

Kids fall ill all the time, so I guess it would be one of those bugs that have been making the rounds but if it’s one of those bugs, Sanmi should be ill as well? What illness could be exclusive to just Juye? The realisation dawned on me and…

“Ah!!!!”

“Madam are you okay?”

“What? Okay about what? I replied panting as though I had run a mile”

“You just screamed out now now, you shouted ah like this ah!!!!” He gesticulated as he portrayed my reaction

“I did? Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. Nothing’s wrong, please just drive as fast as you can”

“Ok ma, sofry sofry oh”

I reject bad thoughts in Jesus name! My fifteen year old child? No no no! She is still a baby, what would she know about adult matters ehn? But that her friend Ngozi, the vibe around that girl is just off, I hope she has not corrupted my sweet little child. Oh God! Anike think positive thoughts, don’t over work yourself over something that is presumptuous. But how can I think positively when the school has called me and is refusing to tell me what the matter is over the phone? Ye! Olorun maje!- God forbid. I will kill Juye today and whatever boy is responsible for this! But how can I blame the girl when I am rarely at home to supervise them but isn’t that what I pay Cynthia for? And their uncle Jide is always there, so what other supervision do they need? Ah! I will kill Jide and Cynthia. I will. Oh I am finished! What would I tell Chris? He warned me not to take this promotion but I convinced him that I could balance work and the home. I told him out rightly that this was the 21^st century and women had the right to work, I argued and fussed on why I couldn’t give up my job and how I wanted to set a good example for Juye to be an independent woman and to go for her dreams. I wanted to be our daughter’s role model and now this?  I know he wouldn’t be so callous as to clap in my face and say I told you so but he would think it and that I can’t bear. The honking of horns drew me out of my thoughts

“Freddy move this car na!”

“Madam I am trying but this hold up na waya oh “

“I don’t care if its na-wire or na-rope, just get us to the school in 10 minutes maximum or you are fired!” I boomed

“Ha! Madam, E never reach like that na! abeg ma, no do that wan na, you know my wife just born twins, abeg ma, I will get…”

The rest of his words faded into the background of my thoughts as I began to gear myself up for the embarrassment and awkwardness I was about to be faced with. But who could this unfortunate boy be, who had the guts to defile my daughter? And how did he manage to slip past Sanmi. Sanmi was my little spy and always told me what went on round the house while I was out, the details Cynthia or Jide purposefully forgot to mention, he dished out to me with relish. The only male friend Juye had was her uncle Jide. I noticed that as she grew older, they got closer. I was uncomfortable with the relationship at first, but after talking to Chris who reassured me that it was better our daughter was friends with his adopted-brother than with some local hoodlum somewhere, my fears were alleviated; besides he was family and he would protect her against other preying boys. Come to think of it, Sanmi told me that they had been going out together quite often and refusing to take him along and when they got back they locked themselves in her room and he could hear laughing and whispering. Oh dear heavens!!! And what did I do about this information; I shrugged it off as them needing their space, I told Sanmi to ignore them and bribed him with mars bars to make him feel less jealous. Oh no! I have used my hands to murder myself. But I am merely speculating am I not? Ah! I will kill Jide today, I will not forgive, nothing will make me forgive, I will so…

“Madam, Madam, I say we don reach here”

“What? Speak up I didn’t hear you”

“I say we don reach and its 9 minutes and 30 seconds ma”

“9 minutes and what? What has that got to do with anything? In fact don’t answer that! I don’t have time for this; find a place to park very close by okay? Bloody buffoon” I hissed as I stepped out into the hot sun

“Ok ma! Mehn madam dey voke anyhow today oh” he muttered under his breath

Every step I took felt as though I was lifting lead, my leg muscles ached, sweat broke out from all my pores, my mind was all over the place, I feared the worst and was prepared to break some heads. I felt like lamenting all over again, where had I gone wrong? Was it bad to want to be a good role model to my kids? Was it wrong that I gave them what I never had? What would people say, Oh many will judge us, our good name would be thrown and dragged through the mud all because of Jide. I have said it; no one will stop me from killing that boy. No one! not even Chris.

“Mrs Ojo thank you for making it here with such short notice, I will take you over to the sick bay straightaway”

“Oh Miss Elliotts, yes… yes its okay, yes at once please” I feigned a smile

“So, I continued has the nurse told you what is wrong with her yet?”

“Emmm… madam like I said over the phone she is refusing to say, I assume Juye has a serious condition, we have tried to press the nurse into speaking but it hasn’t worked so far” She replied whilst avoiding eye contact

“Hmmm ok, thanks”

This had just confirmed my thoughts, ok this is done. I can’t cry in public. Anike keep it together, you can unleash your emotions when you get home but for now brace yourself for the bad news. I tried to console myself and put on a brave face.

“Here we are ma, they are inside. I will return to my office now but if I am needed please ask the nurse to ring me via the intercom”

“Thank you Miss Elliotts”

“Mummy what are you doing here?” Sanmi sang as he ran towards me for a hug

“I should be asking you that young man, why are you here?” I responded as I hugged him

“But this is my school. Well, my teacher told me to pack my bag that I am following Juye home and she said I should come and wait here, so I was expecting uncle Freddy because he owes me chocolate” he said happily

If only he really knew why he was here.

“Ok Sanmi, where is your sister and the nurse?” I asked

“She is inside there he replied pointing but she doesn’t look sick sha so I don’t know why she is here but she looks sad sha and she has refused to tell me what is wrong”

“And the nurse?”

“She is also in there, she is preparing to close”

“Close? Okay, go pick up your bag and meet uncle Freddy; he is in the car park. Juye and I will join you soon.”

“Ok mummy, I just hope he has my chocolate handy”

“Just go Olusanmi!!” I snapped

He looked shocked but I could care less at this point how he felt, he didn’t understand what was going on and though it wasn’t his fault, he should have given me more information on what was happening under my roof. But it’s not even his fault; I shouldn’t take it out on him. Composure Anike, composure!

“Sanmi I am so…”

Looking around, I realised he had left. Oh dear another thing to fix but for now let me deal with Juye!

“Good afternoon nurse, I am Anike Ojo, Juye’s mother, you asked me to come see you?”

“Oh Mrs Ojo, welcome ma but you are a little late you know its Friday ma, and we close early today so I suggest you go home and discuss this with your daughter directly”

“WHAT? You’ve got to be kidding me right?”

“No ma, I kid you not”

“What?” Breathe, breathe, breathe I repeated to myself over and over again and then continued
“Ok! So what exactly am I going home to discuss with her because everyone seems to be feigning ignorance here and quite frankly I am beginning to lose my temper”

“Please madam, don’t lose your temper. I took the liberty to prepare a well detailed report of her condition. It’s very explanatory and I included my number in case you need further clarification”

Collecting the envelope “Don’t Madam me my friend! Are you really serious? A detailed report and your number? You must think this is a joke!”

“Please bring down your voice and calm down. I assure you, we have stabilised her and she should be fine. As I said before I suggest you go home and discuss this with your daughter directly” she insisted

“This is the heights of incompetence! E ma gba mi ke – please deliver me; I have never experienced this before. Nurse! Just tell me in plain words what is wrong with my daughter?”

“Well, she fainted on the school grounds this morning and was brought here, so we did the usual and ran some tests and the results came back, of which I have written a detailed report in this envelope, so please I really need to lock up now. She is the only one left in the ward and I really need to meet up another appointment but thank you for attempting to make it here on time” She said as she began to walk away

“Ahn! I am dreaming right? Somebody wake me up! The insolence! The impudence! The impertinence and effrontery!” I yelled

Fuming and hissing to myself, I realised all the big grammar wasn’t going to solve anything and making more noise about this would attract more attention. If and when people come to help, and ask what has happened, what will I say? Ah! Even the nurse couldn’t say it ho-ha, she cunningly passed the bulk to me. Kai! Juye, Juye, Juye! This girl has ruined me! Walking into the ward, I could see my girl curled in a ball hugging herself tightly with the saddest eyes I had ever seen. I couldn’t bear it; tears began to trickle down my face. I told myself  I wouldn’t cry but I couldn’t help myself, my heart was breaking, this experience was different, it wasn’t like a broken heart from a love affair it was deeper, unexplainable anguish.

“Mum I am sorry” Juye started

“Hush young lady! Not here! Not now! Just grab your things and let’s go. We shall discuss this at home!” I snapped. I was tempted to give her one of those igbaruns – back handed slaps, my mother gave me when I failed a test at school but my heart was too heavy, I just wanted to get out of the sick bay, out of the school, in fact just out!
We headed to the car in silence and even Sanmi and Freddy could feel the tension, everyone kept mute as we drove out of the school

“Where to ma?”

The glare in my eyes was enough of an answer for Freddy.

“Home ma” he said, more as reassurance to himself rather than a question to me

I glared some more. After what seemed like forever we pulled into our compound, the sight of the house which had always brought joy to me had suddenly lost its colour and vibrance. Everyone hesitated, no one wanting to get down, probably pre meditating the damage that would occur in minutes to come. I held the envelope tightly; I was going to let Juye do the talking first before I read what that nurse had to say. I checked the time, it was 4.15pm. I opened the door and stepped out of the car, still no one moved.

“If you don’t get down from that car by the time I reach the front door ehn, ile a gaju e lo leni sogbo Juye – you will be very sorry Juye” I roared

“Yes mummy” she replied quietly and started shuffling to get her things and also alight from the vehicle

I was fuming again. God please help me not to kill this girl today. I can’t believe I have been this calm so far and that useless Jide! I trusted him so much! Oh he better run, he better run because if I catch him… hmmm… if I catch him, I began to open the door and wondered why the curtains were drawn and the lights off as I was about to call out for Cynthia

“SURPRISE!!!!!!!”

I almost had a heart attack as I tried to run back

“Darling where are you running to? Come in here” I heard Chris say

“Sorry? Surprise? What is going on here?”

As I stepped in, I saw different faces, friends from all over. I was confused

“What are we celebrating? What is going on?”

“Babe did you forget your birthday?”

“No! It’s not until the 13^th; today is the 12^th isn’t it?”

Looking back I could see Juye with the biggest brightest smile

“Happy birthday mum, my role model!!  We set you up good!”

“What do you mean you set me up?”

“The call, the school, everything! Daddy, Uncle Jide and I arranged it. I could win an Oscar for my performance. Dad you should have seen me looking all ill” She said as she laughed

“So why did you tell me you were sorry?” I asked still unconvinced

“Emmm… sorry for making you miss your flight, what did you think mum?” she replied with a raised eye brow

“Wait oh, you people will not confuse me, so what is this report in this envelope? I said as I began to rip the envelope apart and out fell a card signed

“Happy Birthday Mrs Ojo from the whole of TSID”

“I had officially been punked!”

Fashion & Style – PA Sarah

 PA Sarah styling! styling!! styling!!!

“I am a 19 year old Nigerian currently studying in Bangkok, Thailand.
For those wondering where that is, just Google it. Thailand is a pretty nice place, the people are very laid back (here we call that ‘sabai sabai’)
So why did I start this? Well the answer is simple, I am a bit of a shopaholic and photoaholic; if that’s even a word lol. So I thought to myself why not start blogging as a hobby. On my blog, I mainly post my outfits, sometimes fashion and maybe DIY’s – Sarah”

So here are some of my favourite picks:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Visit today for tips on how to rock your favourite outfits in different ways!

http://www.princessaudu.blogspot.com

Fashion & Style – NOS Ada

NOS Ada doing what she loves to do! 

“I’m a Nigerian mum and wife based in the UK. Lover of everything stylish and extraordinary. Even though I am an accountant by profession, my real flare is in fashion.

 I have loved that word since I was 5.

“Trend is exciting but style to me is ultimate.”

My blog will be about just about everything oh! So cute, unique and of course stylishhhh! Stick around lovelies there’s much fun promised in this space.

Love always – Ada.”

 

So here are some of my favourite picks:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Visit today for your amazing tips on what goes with what!

http://noordinaryshe.com/

Dreams, Hopes and Everything in between

“Why is this world so? I mean, why can’t I just do it? Someone somewhere must have tried it before!”

“It is forbidden! How many times do I have to tell you? Our parents have really spoilt you silly, just because we are enlightened doesn’t mean we should forget where we are from”

“I am not asking us to give up on tradition. It’s our heritage. It’s where we draw the essence of our being from, to some extent. Although an advocate for tradition, I am also an advocate of common sense and development”

“Tutu! Enough! I have had this discussion with you long enough! You are the Oba’s daughter and following your dreams was one of the privileges you gave up when you were born “

“Without my consent? I did not ask to be born you know?” I respond frustrated

“I also did not ask for you to be born, I was doing quite well being the only daughter of Kabiyesi!”

“Your hatred for me runs deep doesn’t it?”

“God forbid that I would hate you; I just don’t have the patience for your silly whimsical behaviour! Grow up already!”

“Adeoba, sometimes I marvel at you. You have left our shores, gone to the white man’s land, studied things some people will never understand, interacted with people from all walks of life and still you are not open minded. If it’s not the straight and narrow, it’s no other way. Well I have news for you in this palace, an actress I shall be. I care about this family and its prestige, so I will do well to pick my scripts but I am not going to wake up 10 years from now listening to dreamer girl asking where my youth went. This is my youth and I will succeed, not because I am Adetutu omo Kabiyesi but because I am Adetutu chaser of my dreams and…”

“You are asking for an igbarun – hot slap – and I will happily serve it to you!”

“Who is serving who an igbarun – hot slap?”

“Kabiyesi!!! E pe laye – you will live long” they both greeted

“You haven’t answered my question, but I guess it is obvious because my baby pumpkin would never utter such” his rich baritone permeating the air

“But Kabiyesi, you haven’t even heard what this discussion is about. Please don’t pick sides till you hear the full story”

“Adeoba, I know you all too well. I was present at your conception, I have watched you grow and I also know you inherited your mother’s short temper”

“Kabi…” she started

“But! I also know you inherited her motherly instinct and as such I trust your judgement, so please leave me out of this conversation. I am not about to be caught mid-fire between you two”

“Go daddy!!!” I squealed

“Adetutu!!” she barked

“What? He is first my father before he is the Kabiyesi, Abi beko – isn’t that so – daddy pumpkin?”

“Yes baby pumpkin, come sit on daddy’s lap”

“Ah daddy pumpkin, I am getting too old for this you know?” I teased

“Really? Since when?” He teased back

“Since she decided she wanted to be an actress” she snapped

“Wow!!! An actress, I thought it was a singing sensation? Have you changed your mind again?”

“Well… not exactly, I would like to do both. I know only few people succeed at both but I think I really have a shot at it and there is this talent competition coming up and I think it would be a good opportunity to showcase my talents”

“Can you imagine this childish nostalgia Kabiyesi? Just imagine her skimpily dressed shaking her behind to the whole world!”

“What makes you think I will dress skimpily and shake my behind? I don’t even have a behind!”

Roaring with laughter “I see I came in at the wrong time, I will go find my wife now and leave you two.”

“Kabiyesi? You are not going to say anything about this? This needs to be curbed before it spirals into an ugly situation”

“Ah! After spending so much on educating you two? Am sure you will find a way to sort it out. Adetutu ti okan mi feran – the one my heart loves – always remember that beneath it all, your sister truly cares for you and has your best interest at heart. Adeoba to mu ori mi wu – my pride and joy – also remember that a soft answer turneth away wrath. Good night my Princesses”

Those words stuck with me as they were the last I ever heard him say. I was jolted back into the reality just in time to miss the bucket of water that was headed my way.

“Tutu, I bin dey warn you! No come my shop dey dream!, this nor be ya papa’s business, no spoil market for me! Pound that yam well; if e no done well ehn, you go hear wehn”

“Ahn Madam I bin dey pound am na, you wan throw dirty water for inside food wey customer go chop?” I retorted highly irritated

“I blind abi? No answer me! I blind? I no see as you dey look sky as if you be sango? You wan bring down thunder? before you ruin me I go ruin you first oh”

“Ah madam no vex, I bin dey pound am, abeg no vex”

Thud Thud Thud, I put all my strength into pounding the yam as I knew that if I took the conversation further I was going to end up jobless, what a life? Why was this world so? No! I do not blame life or the world, I blame death and those hooligans who thought it a noble gesture to snatch my whole family in one night just because my father had converted to Christianity

“I curse you all, wherever you are, you will know no peace, your sisters will be your human shields, and you will lose all your family in one day”

“Tutu! You need to let this go!”

Turning round I was faced with my only friend Shade

“Shade I try, then I try some more but it just hurts so much, why me? Why?”

“It’s ok, it will all be okay, time is a great healer”

“And death is a big thief! But do we have control over any of the two? You know, I have stopped being sad, now am just plain angry, I wish I knew how to cure this anger and move on but here I am pounding yam in a buka”

“But you know the way to…”

“Please Shade not now! Am not in the mood to hear it please!”

“Whatever you say, just know that am always here and I have your best interest at heart” she sighed as she walked away

The words hit me hard and brought back more memories, unfortunately with the memories came the realisation that my dreams would never be achieved and with that came immense pain.

Noodles, Not Indomie!

Everyday tinz on a reflection plane. Respect TO!

The Proposal

To everyone who has visited and is still visiting, thank you for helping me make this work. Stop being ghost readers and leave me some comments though, I can’t get better without critics 🙂
Lots of Love!!!

 “I’m totally serious Joke; I feel it in my bones! It has to be today. He has been secretive of late, hiding his phone, sneaking out to speak to people, what else could it be?”

“What do you mean what else could it be? Wake up and smell the coffee darling. I think you should make the first move and dump him before he dumps you like a hot sack of potatoes” she replied laughing

“Dump ke? Do you know how long it took me to find a good man? Anyways I feel the proposal coming; he knows I love Valentine’s Day and he asked me to wear something flattering but not over the top, also to wear light make up and I’m assuming he said that, so that when I’m responding to the proposal and crying, all the makeup won’t run, He is just so wonderful, he thought of the details! I cooed

“Well for your sake I hope it’s what you are expecting because my shoulder is weary from carrying your big head when you are down” she insisted

“Joke seriously!! This is it!! My taxi is here darling I have to go”

“He isn’t picking you up?”

“No, ermmm… I guess he is busy prepping for our big night. I will give you all the juicy details later, Love ya girl”

“Ok then, enjoy! LYT!”

Just then my bell went off violently

“Ok! Ok! I’m coming! Don’t ring my bell out! I yelled out “These taxi guys are so impatient” I muttered under my breath

“Madam, meet me for inside motor. I get another appointment and we don dey delay, please come out in time” he yelled back

As I walked towards my door I could feel my temper rising, who did he think he was? He is paid to be at my service and he is hurrying me along like some school girl. I would teach him a thing or two about customer satisfaction when I get into the cab, preferably when I’m closer to where I am going, in case he decides to drop me half way because he is angry.

“Oga open your door na”

“The door is already unlocked, stick your hand through the window and pull it open”

“Excuse me?”

“See! time dey go, stick ya hand for inside and open the door, make we go abeg!”

“Oga, nor be say dem pay you to…” I started, and then I thought to myself nothing is going to spoil my night, nothing! Every spirit sent to anger me tonight, I jump am pass, tell them you didn’t find me!

“Wetin you dey talk, I nor hear you”

“Oga don’t worry I was just greeting you, I will open the door as you have instructed”

As the car started I relaxed a little and noticed how nicely dressed the driver was. Lagos sha! Even cab man dey baff up (Even in Lagos, taxi drivers too dress nicely). I drifted off in thought to how I had met my Jimi, our first date, our first love letter written with our eyes, our first kiss, our first serious fight… Hmmm I sighed, the first fight was about why I hadn’t met anyone from his family, I knew he was an orphan and an only child but he had told me of his cousins and how close they were and he had met my whole family so what was the delay? I had also read on a blog that when a guy doesn’t invite you to meet his family then you are probably not for keeps and I was definitely going to be for keeps or at least I hoped so. I was snatched out of my thoughts by the bumping of the car…

“Oga, try not to kill us tonight na, I have a very important date and I would like to get there in one piece, please slow down jor”

“You these small girls with tooth pick legs going around town; you don’t know how to respect your elders abi? Is it me you are talking to?”

Turning to my left

“So Sule I was trying to advise you to please drive carefully so that we make it to…”

“Who is Sule?”

“The imaginary person you thought I was speaking to, abi is it not just the both of us in this cab and you are asking me who I’m talking to?”

“Ahn! This girl! you are very rude oh, it’s me you are ridiculing”

“Ridicule? You? No oh! Why? It was Sule I was referring to”

Suddenly he pulled the car over and I thought to myself oh great! This big mouth of mine has put me in trouble, we were on third mainland bridge and this was definitely no place to drop a lady. He came down from the car and headed to the front of the cab, at this point I was so convinced he was coming to drag me out and leave me stranded, or he could even do worse, after all it was a dark lonely motor way. I mean I was all mouth but no action, I couldn’t fight to save my life, I resolved to beg and beg with everything I had.  But when I saw him pop the hood I was relieved, its better there is something wrong with the car than for him to throw me out, phew! That was close. I will just sit here and look pretty, I instinctively took out my mirror but it was too dark to see anything and there was no dome light in the taxi. Well if I couldn’t use my mirror I could use my phone right? On bringing it out, the phone beeped battery low. Crap! I forgot to charge my phone and this battery doesn’t even last! How will I take all the pictures tonight? And also update my status on blackberry messenger, tweeter, facebook, instagram, flixster and blogster. Oh well, let’s hope Jimi has a fully charged phone. On snapping back to reality I realised he had been at the hood for close to 5 minutes so I called out

“Oga is everything alright? Are we going to move soon?”

“Well you have legs; you can always come down and see for yourself” he snapped back

I had never actually walked on the bridge before and my curious, excitement-loving side took a hold of me and I stepped into the fresh breeze, wow! This felt wow… I walked towards the hood not because I had any solution to proffer, I am clueless when it comes to cars but I think maybe my presence will boost his morale and it would help him fix the car faster.

“Well done oh! So, is it the engine or is it overheating?”

“What do you know about cars?”

“Nothing at all, but that’s what I usually hear people complain about, so I guessed that might be the issue here?”

“Wow! You are very beautiful”

“Excuse me?”

“I said you are very beautiful, who knew such a foul mouthed girl could be so beautiful”

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the fierce stench he exuded as his strong right arm clasped shut my mouth eliminating any possibility of my muffled groans calling any attention to the taxi. His left arm was simultaneously working its way up my tightly shut thighs when … I passed out. The next thing I could feel was a nagging pain in my temple and … oh no, I felt warm blood trickle down my thighs. Please God no!!, this pain I was feeling could only mean one thing, I had been ra… No! I could not bring myself to even think of the word, not with the monster grinning beside me like he had hit a jack pot. As fast as my body could carry me, I reached for the door and staggered off in a bid to get as far away from this animal as possible.

“Fine girl, wait na. You know we are in the middle of the bridge. There is no way you can walk to where you are going to” He called out as he stuck his head out of the window of his car which was now miraculously moving

I couldn’t bring myself to respond, I felt… dead! I just staggered on

“You know when you called our taxi company and said that you were going to the same area I had an appointment at after work – all you fickle minded valentines celebrators – I told the other guys I would take you because you were going my way, little kindness from the boss to his boys. Little did I know that I was being offered a juicy package like this”

With all the strength I could muster I screamed

“Leave me alone you murderer, leave me alone!!!”

“Murderer? Ahn please oh, I haven’t reached that level oh and I don’t intend to but what is your problem? You offered yourself, inviting me with those deceptive brown eyes and chocolate coloured thighs”

I was stunned, I had only seen this in the movies and even at that I thought people who reasoned this way were ignorant and needed a paradigm shift

“Ouch!” My legs burned but I just had to keep moving

I became ashamed, what was I going to tell Jimi or even Joke? How was I going to bring myself to admit such a terrible ordeal? How would the world perceive me if I went to the police with this? I am just a nobody, who would believe me? I finally resolved I will take this to the grave.

“Okay let me be straight with you, the deed has been done and it is obvious you are not inviting me for a second round and I am a gentleman so I will respect that but at least let me drop you off as a repayment”

“You think you can repay me? I scoffed Gentleman? How ridiculously insensitive and callous can you be?”

“See! This isn’t the time for big worded insults and name calling! Are you coming or not?”

I knew there was no way I was going to make it to the end of the bridge before the next day, my logical side kicked in and although I resented every part of the useless man and the accursed taxi, I knew it was my fastest way out

“Okay” Looking around I spotted broken glass on the road and picked up a fragment. If he so much as looked at me the wrong way again I will jab him and I will be justified, I will be!

“Now you are talking, get in fast. I am late for my appointment”

This ride feels like the longest in my life, glass fragment in hand I am inclined to end his life and in the process end mine. All sorts of thoughts are running through my mind, I feel like I am going insane. I cannot handle this anymore, I think it’s better we both meet our creator on the same day, that way I could stand and give account of the wrong he had done and why he should be condemned to the fiery furnace that is hell. Just as I come to this conclusion and summon the courage the car stopped moving

“We are here, please get down fast! I said get down na before LASTMA will arrest us both for parking illegally”

I was too dazed to respond, my plan was falling apart as quickly as it was formed, could I really leave this fight up to God? No! God helps those who help themselves! I had to do something but we were in the middle of town, people will see me, they will misjudge the situation and have me arrested, God! This is unfair!

“I said come down jor”

I opened the door and came down trying to pull myself together. I was livid with hurt and shame all at once. Just as he zoomed off, my eyes caught who I used to think was the most handsome man alive, all I saw now was just a man, no extras, just a man.

“Ha! Agatha! Where have you been? Your phone was switched off, I was so worried! I have been waiting for a very long… Gatha? What’s wrong?”

“I am fine Jimi”

“Jimi? Not honey boo? What happened? Your eyes look teary; your mascara is running a little bit. Did you get bad news from home? Is everyone alright?” He said as he ushered me into the restaurant

“No! Yes! I mean No there is no bad news from home and yes I am alright. My taxi broke down on the way. I just need to use the restroom”

“Okay that’s fine, the ladies is that way” he replied pointing in the direction of the west wing

On entering one of the cubicles, I expected to burst into tears, I willed myself to cry so that I could feel better but no, nothing came, no flood of tears, not even a drop. Just as I was about unlocking the door I overheard an ongoing conversation in hushed tones

“Men I wish my boyfriend was just half as romantic as that Jimi guy. To arrange all of that just so that he can propose to his babe and the useless babe is keeping him waiting, if she doesn’t appear soon, I will find a way to cheer him up! Permanently!”

“Ah Ehima! You are rotten from your core! And it is Mr Osakwe to you and I. Don’t let Mr Sachin catch us, you know you already have a pending query”

“Ha! That wicked man! Its true sha, I will catch you later, let me return to my duty post”

So Jimi really did plan on proposing today, today of all days! but he had mentioned that he would like me to meet his uncle before it could happen; I guess he changed his mind. Jimi wasn’t like that animal, He was a good man and he didn’t deserve for his heart to be broken. God this is hard but I am going to suck it up and be a big girl. I proceeded to wipe my face and thighs and also touch up my makeup. Ok this is it! I need to act the part, here we go!

“Honeyboo, sorry I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long”

“No, not at all. I was kinda worried about you though”

“Me? Why? I am fine dear, so shall we order?”

“Emmm yeah, I was just hoping you could meet my uncle before we started, he is running really late.”

“Oh?”

“Don’t worry darling, he is very chilled and like I’ve told you before, he is kind of like my big brother, oh speaking of the man himself! Here he comes. Egbon (Older brother) you are very late oh”

“Mabinu jare (Don’t be offended), I ran into some difficulty on the way here and it took me a while to find a parking spot”

“Please meet the love of my life, Asake mi nikan, Agatha; and Gatha meet my uncle Wale”

“You!!!” I shrieked

“You?” He yelped

“What’s that noise?” Jimi asked

♪♫♪Griiiiiiin Griiiiiiin, reach me on my Samsung Samsung ♫♪♫

“Ummm Hello?”

“Gatha!!! Are you still sleeping? Thank God I called you! You are going to be late for your date with Jimi! Get yourself up and ready lazy bones!”

Checking my clock

“Oh no! Joke I am really late, I didn’t realise I had slept this long. Let me take a quick shower and get ready. I will give you all the juicy details when I get back ok? Thanks for waking me up! Love ya girl!”

“Ok then, Enjoy! LYT!”

Dropping my phone, I groaned as I rubbed my neck.

“To say I was relieved was the least possible way of expressing myself. So it was just a silly nightmare! Thank God! It felt so real. Nothing is getting in between me and this date tonight, but men I better pray over this because that was scary… maybe later, let me shower and get dolled up first.”

Thirty minutes later

Ding Dong! Diing Doong!! Diiiing Dooong!!!

“Ok! Ok! I’m coming! Don’t ring my bell out! I yelled out “These taxi guys are so impatient” I muttered under my breath

“Madam, meet me for inside motor. I get another appointment and we don dey delay, please come out in time” he yelled back

My nose flared, eyebrows raised, brow furrowed. My eyes were shouting what my lips refused to say.

Bush Meat Say Hello to the Hunter!

The deed was done; there was no going back after this.

“Sidi will definitely kill me”

 I began to panic, picking all my loose clothing from the various spheres of the dimly lit room

“What do I do? How do I escape this? I was only called on to watch on the kids and now this grave mistake, Oh God! Sumbo what is wrong with you, why couldn’t you resist, say no, jump out of the widow, run like no man’s business?”

“Talking to yourself in hushed tones makes you look mad you know? Don’t worry we will be fine, besides that lanky numpty of a wife won’t be back anytime soon, relax you are too tense”

“Easy for you to say, you are a cheat, you are in your palace, and this is your specialty!”

“C’mon don’t be like that; I am sure you do this at every other house you work at!”

“The nerve? Because of this yeye experience I don turn ashawo for your eye abi? Nor be ya fault, na me I blame, chai Sumbo how low can you go!”

“Daddy Teni! I am back oh, you wouldn’t believe the day I have had, crazy as hell. Daddy Teni? Where are you? Actually I should know, you are in the room watching football. I will be up in a minute, I stopped by the market to get some fruits. Let me wash and cut them and I will be right up.”

We both looked at each other too shocked to move, I could see his eyes widen with fear, my heart was thumping like a horse on a race course, I willed it to stop, no not to stop thumping but to actually stop because that was the only way I was getting out of this nightmare – dead, so why couldn’t I choose how I was going to die? We were right to be scared, Sidi – Mummy Teni was always happy and always smiling, those were the kind of people that when they snapped they took crazy to a whole new level.

“Sumbo,” He whispered

“Huh?”

“We are dead!”

“Don’t I know it?”

“So Daddy Teni what match are you watching that has you so engrossed that you couldn’t even answer me? I bet that team of yours Manchester United is involved?… Daddy Teni? Are you okay, up there?”

Sensing the concern in her voice I knew it was only a matter of time before she headed up to see if he was okay

“Are you dumb? Answer the bloody woman before she makes her way up here!”

“Errr… darling am fine, I just am not feeling too well,” he called out

Oh my God! I was stuck with an idiot

“You are not feeling too well??? What do you think she is going to do? Stay down there chopping fruits or come up here and chop us both?”

“Ah not feeling well ke? What happened? You were fine when I left this morning, I am coming up!” She responded

I found it strange that she had to announce that she was coming up but I was grateful for it because that gave me ample time to duck under the bed, wham! Like lightening I was under the bed and thanking my mother for passing me her thin frame, it had saved me many times. I started to pray, I don’t know why but I started to pray, I mean I wasn’t religious or anything but something just told me pray hard you are going to need all the prayers you can get.

“Emmm… no mummy Teni, you don’t need to come up, I am fine, I just needed…”

The door cracked open

“But you said you were not feeling well; let me examine you. Ah! You are burning up and you are sweating heavily, you must be having a fever. Let me see what we have in the drugs cabinet and I will bring up the fruits, thank God I stopped to buy them.”

The door cracked close

Ah! I released a sigh of relaxed breath. That was close, too close for comfort and the stupid man up there is going to get pampered for doing the wrong thing? Where is the justice in the world? But I should be grateful, if this woman caught me, I am sure I will be…The door cracked open again, I could just manage to see what was happening. Mummy Teni stuck her head in and asked

“By the way Daddy Teni, where is Sumbo? And the kids? Did she take them out for Ice cream?”

“Woman, I am here down with fever and you expect me to bother with the frivolities of a nanny and the kids?”

“Haba Daddy Teni! Being sick doesn’t make one irresponsible now! Did they at least mention where they were going?”

“Ahem! Well yes, she took the kids over to Amaka’s house so they could play with her kids.”

“Oh she did? Wonderful!”

I thought to myself, thank God this woman is buying this whole story. I mean the kids were at Amaka’s house quite alright but what possessed me not to stay with them and return to this idiot of a man I couldn’t tell. Crack the door opened again, I was getting used to the sequence and my heart beat had lowered, I had managed to clothe myself under the bed. Suddenly I heard what I thought was someone calling me, nah! Crazy hallucination.

“Sumbo! I know you can hear me, come out from under the bed.”

I was struggling to tell the difference between the voices, was that Daddy Teni’s voice or mummy Teni’s voice? My heart began to beat faster, I could have sworn it was in a dancing competition and was showing off alanta moves, as I blinked and hoped I was in a dream of some sort, her head popped into view

“Sumbo! I will not repeat myself, please come out from under the bed!”

What threw me wasn’t the loving but firm way she spoke, it was the lovely smile she exuded showing off her elegantly placed 32’s.

“Mummy Teni, please, Please I can explain.”

“Oh yes! I’m sure you can, and am sure you will,” she replied still smiling

“Ehn! Sumbo? What are you doing under my bed? You see mummy Teni, this is why I warned you against nannies and strangers in our house, Sumbo! What were you planting under my bed? What were you…?”

“Badejo shut up! You! You! Am coming to you!”

Finally! A reaction, I almost applauded her, if not that I was in that unfortunate position. I mean how could he deny me at this point? Did he really think she was going to fall for that? Sumbo! Focus! And as I focused I saw Mummy Teni smiling at me again, very lovingly too, my heart palpitations increased.

“Sumbo why do you look so terrified? I’m smiling aren’t I? If I am smiling, you should be smiling, don’t look confused, just smile.”

I was highly confused! This woman has gone crazy and the best way to deal with a crazy person was act crazy myself, so I smiled, my best brightest smile.

“Good! Wonderful!, I like your smile, you look just wonderful!”

“Thank you?”

“Yes, hahaha! That is the perfect response! Thank you!”

“Darling, take it easy we can explain this…”

“Oh! Am darling now? I was mummy Teni some minutes ago. Badejo! start smiling, please give me your best smile!”

“Baby please don’t…”

“Badejo!!!! I said start smiling!!!” she erupted

“Ok, Ok! I’m smiling, See, shining his crooked teeth, I’m smiling”

“Wonderful! Just wonderful! Sumbo come come dear, come sit down. I bought some fruits up from the market, here have some.”

“Emmm, No thank you Mummy Teni. I’m fine thank you ma.”

“No I insist, please! You are a visitor in our home, please have some fruit.”

“No thank you ma, am fine thank…”

“Have this fruit now and sit your bloody behind down on that bed!!!” she exploded

But just as soon as she exploded, she returned to smiling. Now I was really scared. Sumbo! Sumbo! Your mother warned you! She warned you but would you listen? No! Omo alaigboran ni e (A child that doesn’t listen), I could hear my mother’s words ringing. A part of me felt like I was being prepared to meet my creator, that scared me even more. Daddy Teni had joined me on the bed with his own plate of fruits and his face was a sight for sore eyes. He looked like a little child who had been caught stealing meat from the pot, well in actual fact this was worse… trickle trickle… Oh My dayz! He had even peed on himself! For a married, supposed fearless man to pee on himself it only meant one thing; bush meat had caught the hunter.

“So yes, now that we are seated, remember I was saying I had a crazy day from hell? I’m sure you heard me from under the bed Sumbo, yes?

“Yes ma”

“Stop with the ma already, it’s all so precarious, you could tip me off the balance. Please call me Mummy Teni like you’ve always done, don’t accord me any more respect than you have to. It’s unnecessary”

“Darling, please we can handle this. I swear we can…”

“That warning goes to you too Badejo!, stick to Mummy Teni!”

“Mummy Teni I started please, it was the devil…”

“Oh!! but of course It was!!! It can’t be God, it can’t be me, heaven forbid it is you, so definitely it is the devil! Next time you interrupt me, I think I will go crazy.”

Go crazy? So this wasn’t crazy? So what did crazy look like? Kai! Sumbo you are finished today!

“So, as I was saying, my crazy day from hell, I was at my office trying to sort out that big specification project I have been telling you about pointing at Daddy Teni I had the final meeting with the partners this morning and just before going in I noticed an important document was missing, so I called Ada and asked,

“Ada where is the report submitted by Mr. Benson?”

 “Mr Benson”? She asked

 “No! Mr Sonben, don’t ask me silly questions today, today is not the day to ask me silly questions Ada, where is the report?”

“It should be in the file ma, I put it in the file yesterday ma.”

“Well if you put it in the file, it should be there, documents are inanimate objects, they don’t walk, and there is no way it could have moved from there”  I told her.

Ok? Was I meant to be enjoying the story of how her day went? This woman is another kind of crazy. Maybe a good kind of crazy, Maybe, just maybe I could sit back, relax, suck these oranges and all might be well in the end. God please let all be well in the end I will never do anything bad in my life after this, I might even become a nun. Please God!

“Anyways to cut the long story short, she didn’t even put the document in the file in the first place almost causing me a heart attack. So I went in for the meeting, a little flustered, but managed to gather my thoughts and pull through. Just as the meeting was finishing, Ada ran into the room and told me that Teni was on the line and she was freaking out. I was surprised, because I felt whatever the matter was she could have spoken to Sumbo, so I excused myself from the meeting and went to answer the call.”

“Hello Teni? Mummy is working, what is it dear?”

“Mummy! Its Tobi, we were playing and… and I don’t know how it happened but mummy…”

“Slow down Teni, take a deep breath! What is wrong with Tobi? Tell me what happened, Where is your aunt Sumbo?”

“We were all playing and Emeka kicked the ball out of the compound and Tobi ran to get it and I don’t know what happened but Tobi was lying on the floor and he wasn’t moving and an okada man too was lying on the floor and…”

“Yepa! Awon omo yi pa mi!! (Oh my days, this children have killed me) Teni!! Where is aunt Sumbo? Where is Tobi now?”

Amidst tears she responded

“Aunty Sumbo is at home with Daddy and aunty Amaka has taken Tobi to the hospital. I tried to call Daddy but his number is not going through and I don’t remember aunty Sumbo’s number.”

“It’s okay baby, I will call aunty Amaka. Don’t worry Tobi will be fine, and everything will be fine.”

“So I rushed from my office calling Amaka on the way to the hospital and thank God Almighty who will not let me cry over my children, Tobi was alive and had only suffered a minor injury to his left ankle. I tried to call you but as Teni rightly said, it didn’t connect, I called Sumbo, it didn’t connect either, so I decided to come home and get you so that we could go back to the hospital.”

I could see Daddy Teni from the corner of my eyes, he had all sorts of expressions on his face, if I was watching this as a movie, I would have applauded his acting prowess but alas this was no movie, it was happening live!

“So I rushed home and came straight up, knowing full well that you would be up here and what did I find?, you neck deep in ise ku se! (bad thing!) Ha Badejo! O loju ti!(you are shameless) Please take your fruits, every last one; there is no waste in this house.”

I wondered how I was able to relax in this situation; I was lulled by her story and felt at ease. This is wrong, I should be panicked, shaken, afraid, desperate to get out but no I was very much at ease. This is bad, this is really bad but these oranges were good, very tasty.

“Well let me not waste too much of our precious time.”

By now she had picked up the knife she used in cutting the fruit, which was on the floor. Ehen! Finally! This was the ideal reaction!, Wait oh! Sumbo are you mad? She picked a knife and you are hyping her? Maybe I was the one going crazy here, talking to myself in the middle of hot kwanta (trouble). And suddenly she dropped it on the tray and continued

“We need to pray and ask God for forgiveness. We need to confess all our sins, because all have sinned and come short of the glory of God and without righteousness no man will see God. Please let’s kneel together.”

“Excuse me?” Daddy Teni asked

“Pardon me?” I choked

“I said let’s pray! We need God to forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. I will call out the prayer points and we shall all pray, please I want us to take this very seriously.”

So we both knelt looking at each other congratulatory, like it was our lucky day and we both prayed earnestly. I could hear Daddy Teni thanking God for his wonderful wife with a heart of forgiveness and at that point I said to myself wow! Are there still people like this on this earth? Who turn the other cheek? and I genuinely prayed, prayed to God to help me and forgive me and prayed for his grace to walk uprightly. I prayed He would help me find a good church where I could worship and then I heard Mummy Teni praying intensely to God asking Him to forgive her and I wondered what could she need forgiveness for? She was the victim here, and she completed her prayer saying

“For the poisoned apples and oranges I gave them to eat, I am truly sorry”

The last thing I heard was Teni coming into the room and asking her mother

“Mummy what is wrong with Daddy and Aunty Sumbo? They are lying like Tobi was on the street.”

To which she simply replied “I am sorry baby, the bush meat said hello to the hunter! They said their last prayer and have gone to visit Jesus”

Silence