The rest is still unwritten… Episode Two

The walls have ears

“How was your day with the ladies? Any juicy gist?” Syd asked Marg as he was taking off his shirt

“Ha! Syd! You like aproko –poke nosing. It started off interesting but didn’t end as nicely as it could have” Marg responded as she struggled to take off her necklace. “Can you help me with this? I think it’s stuck”

“But that is typical of you ladies; you always find one thing or the other to bicker about. So what was it this time? Ade used Femi’s Brazilian hair by mistake? Or Ife is tired of Bomi always talking business?” Syd said as he began to struggle with the necklace

“I wish it was the usual but in summary, Ade invited Chima who is new in town to the lunch and Femi unknowingly hurt Chima’s feelings with some things she said”

“Isn’t that typical of Femi though? That girl always speaks without thinking” He concluded shaking his head

“I really like Chima though. Usually when misunderstandings like these occur, it results in malice and bitterness but she actually cleared the air straight away. You could see she was hurt but she made sure they trashed it out there and then. She also explained that she was ‘expecting’ and felt that was one of the last ways to celebrate her freedom”

“Very mature of her right?” He said as he finally managed to remove the necklace. “But I have a better idea…removing this necklace has given me ideas of other things I can help you remove”

She thanked him with a kiss “Don’t get your hopes up; the monthly visitor came by yesterday. Good night love”

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“Can you imagine the effrontery of that stupid girl?” Chima fumed as she paced

“Hey! Hey! Language please. Baby in womb listening!” Fega retorted sharply as he switched on the t.v

“Instead of you to ask what the matter is, you are already taking sides?” Chima responded walking away

“Taking sides with whom? The unborn baby? Are you kidding?” Fega glared at her in exasperation

Chima stopped in her tracks and headed back to the living room “I didn’t expect you to understand! It was your idea to move here, away from all my friends and family. The blame rests squarely on your shoulders”

“It’s either of two things; baby hormones or your usual hormones. Either way, I am not getting into another argument with you” He said as he flicked through channels absentmindedly

 “I hate it here! And I want to move back home!”

“Well darling wife, we are going nowhere, so you better deal with it”

“We are going nowhere right? Well that’s fantastic” She responded with applause “Just get ready for hell, both you and that Femi girl; you better put your arsenals in order”

Fega turned off the TV and sighed “I already chose hell when I married you, please go ahead and do your worst!”

 **************************************************************************************************************

“Kai Femi, God saved you today oh! Chima is so gentle. If it was someone else they would have torn you to pieces” Ade said as she threw herself on Femi’s bed

Femi opening her wardrobe replied “Please abeg! What did I say that hasn’t been said before? Her analogy was even flawed, so because she is pregnant that’s why she wants to snatch other people’s husbands with her dressing abi?”

“Haba Femo! First you said it was the kids you were concerned about. Now it seems the real cause of concern is coming out” Ade exclaimed looking up from Femi’s phone

“Ehn ehn! Of course now. You know mama and aunt Ife are cool but it’s not everything that I would say in front of them na!” She said as she pulled out her nightie

“Hmmm… speaking of husbands, you have a text from Mr. Tall and mysterious. I don’t understand why you can’t just call your toasters their real names” Ade said as she went through her sister’s phone contact log

“Well, it keeps busy bodies like you from knowing who is who. Sha open it, what did he say?”

“Hey! That’s unfair! I am your loyal listening ear” Ade chuckled in response “He is truly mysterious. He said ‘rough evening, why can’t the past stay buried. Free to chat?’ What is your own with his past? He should be talking about a future with you”

“Future? With him? Well I like him but he hasn’t made any moves yet and it looks like he has a lot of baggage from his past and I am not sure I want to be dragged into it”

“Well all I have to say is Lovers keep on loving, believers keep on believing” Ade said as she turned up the volume of the laptop

“That response makes absolutely no sense but that’s my Stevie wonder jam! So hit it girl!” Femi responded excitedly

They both use combs as mics, jumping on Femi’s bed; they dance the conversation and evening away.

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“You should have seen the drama today at the girl’s lunch” Ife started as she dropped her bag and headed for the loo

“Trust you to always be happy with others misfortune!” Bomi snapped as he turned his attention from his ipad to catch her walking away

“I wouldn’t even dignify that with a response. You know you want to know what happened so you better ask me so that I can download the full gist” She called out from the loo

“I think I will just focus on the highlights of the football match I just downloaded. I am certain it would be more interesting” He replied as he adjusted himself on the bed to face the other direction “And close that door please!”

She called back “Well if you are not going to listen to my gist, you might as well smell my poo. Marg’s food gets better and better each time”

“That’s just wrong on so many levels!” He said as he stood to spray his hanky with his cologne “Unless this conversation is going to result in a business opportunity of some sort then…”

“Sijibomi! We are one of the wealthiest couples in this state. Your music production business is doing great and you just signed one of the biggest stars recently. You have enough money for your many generations to come…” she paused at her last words and held her head in her hands. It hadn’t dawned on her how much they gave up by deciding not to have kids until the discussion earlier that afternoon about kids and parenting.

“Ife…”

“Oh God! You scared me!” I have told you that I don’t like you creeping up on me. She responded startled

 “I have been standing here for a couple of minutes dear. I know I am generally an insensitive bag of bones but I do care about you and I know where your conversation was headed. Sighing he continued “I have been thinking about it myself and I think we should consider adoption”

“Really? Hmm… Aren’t we too old for adoption?” She also sighed in response

“Well what other options do we have?”

 “Well there is always me?”

“You?”

“I know what we said before but it feels like the right thing to do… for us”

“That is not my concern. My concern is if it’s still biologically possible. Haven’t you reached that stage in your clock yet?”

“Bomi! You are not only insensitive but unobservant as well” Ife snapped

“I am trying to help here!” Bomi snapped back “Well if we are going to do this, we have to contact our lawyers first thing tomorrow.

“Sure thing! I would get right on it partner!” She cooed

Bomi bent over to hug her “I sha love you sha… But this your poo smells really bad!”

“Trust you to ruin the moment!” She responded laughing and hugging him tighter.

The rest is still unwritten…Episode One

Thank you for taking the time to stop by, as always I appreciate it. This is a new series following the lives of different characters whilst also addressing cogent societal issues. Remember to let me know your thoughts in the comment section & Share with all your friends and family.

P.s: Watch out for the audio version, coming soon. Please check back for more details.

When Girls get together

“Can you imagine what that girl wore today? To the house of God for that matter! God must have choked on his spit watching her walk in.”

“Oh here we go! Femi what happened to the no judgement rule? Besides, what girl are you talking about?” Ade said, as she brought her plate of food from the kitchen.

“See Ade, no judgement doesn’t mean that I can’t say what I think! That’s another thing with you Christians these days; no one wants to hear the truth. As soon as I say ‘pokom’ y’all get defensive and start preaching the no judgement rule. Please abeg! Abi mama, what do you think?” She asked turning to face Marg who looked like she was already anticipating the question.

Ade, bursting into laughter, interjected “y’all? So, you are not one of us anymore right?”

Marg, a glass of juice in hand and taking a seat beside Ife, responded, “Well, in as much as I agree with you Femi dear, Ade also has a point. You shouldn’t always say what you think, that’s why God made thoughts and words separately. In the event that you need to speak, then do it in love, speak life to people in a way that they would want to hear more, not in a way that they go running in the other direction. I also appreciate that some of us are way too sensitive, any small thing, we pull out the no judgement rule” She finished.

Dropping her drink, Femi began “I hear you on this one mama and you know that I don’t really care about what people do or wear. It’s just that this lady in question is supposed to be an example; she’s a volunteer in the children’s ministry. I don’t think it’s fair to parents. After all the hard work they put into raising a decent child, some random lady in church ruins it all by the way she carries herself. I just think it’s highly unlady-like and they should vet who they let in more often”

“But Femi what are you worried about? You don’t even have a guy talk less of kids. So what’s the biggie?” Ife piped up. “Well, I cannot even remember when last I went to the children’s section.”

The air grew still and uncomfortable. Saved by the bell that had become a little insistent, accompanied by growing bangs at the door, Ade stood “I’ll get that shall I. That must be Chima, I invited her over mama, hope that’s okay? I forgot to mention it to you. She’s new in town, so please be extra nice to her.”

“Yeah that’s fine; let her in before she brings down the door” she said as she shooed Ade away.

Ade comes back with a stunning, flamboyantly dressed 5ft 7 beauty.

“Oh it’s you!” Exclaimed Femi, mouth half-filled, a look of surprise on her face as she began to choke on her food.

“Emm… me?” Chima asked, pointing at herself visibly-confused.

“Femi are you okay? Here, have some water” Ife offered.

You see why you shouldn’t talk while you eat?” Ade cautioned as she stifled a giggle.

After a bout of coughing, Femi responded shooting daggers at Ade with her eyes “I am fine! Thanks for the feigned concern”

“But I wasn’t even the one that asked if you were okay?” Ade burst into full laughter, then turning to Chima, “You have to excuse my older sister, since we were kids, she’s been known for speaking with food in her mouth, so this is a regular occurrence.”

“I hope you’re okay now?” Chima asked, turning to Femi “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Yeah she’s fine, don’t worry about her. So this is aunt Marg but we call her mama, please feel free to call her either and this is aunt Ife who insists…”

“Ife! Just Ife!”

“Exactly! Who insists on being called Ife, but don’t let that fool you though. She is old!” They both start to giggle.

“Ade, I can still whoop you, you know that right? Please pay no attention to her. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I actually insist on being called by my first name because I believe respect goes way beyond being called aunty.”

“Emmm… Ade can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?”

Dragging Ade into the kitchen, Femi queried,

“You could at least have warned me that your new friend was the person I was referring to earlier as the scantily dressed, peacock looking girl; instead of almost letting me choke to death!”

“Well I didn’t know she was the one you were referring to… So? I think we need to get back in there before they think something is really wrong.”

Just as they turn round to join the others, they see Chima staring back teary-eyed.

 *************************************************************************************************************

When the Boys get together

Syd looked around Tyler’s flat distractedly. “It’s so kind of you to host us, who knew a bachelor, could cook so well?”

“What I want to know is if you’re interested in opening a restaurant and using this talent to generate some funds” Bomi asked whilst picking his teeth and rubbing his belly with a look of satisfaction.

“Guy! Don’t you ever switch off? Biko – please, this Sunday lunch is for chillaxing not for business”

Unperturbed, Bomi continued, “Abeg forget Syd, the guy is loaded. Shebi you want to make money? Climb higher on the social ladder? I can make that happen. Just see me in my office first thing tomorrow.”

“Thanks for the offer Bomi but I’ll pass. I am happy where I am and I don’t like to complicate things.” Getting uncomfortable and trying to deflect the attention he continued “Besides shouldn’t you guys be getting to know our ‘guest’ a little bit better?”

“Oh no you don’t! I’m a very good listener and I like your banter. So I’m happy to just listen” Fega blurted out almost defensively.

“Well, Tyler’s right. You’ve been very quiet. You need to loosen up. We are all friends here and forget that we, gesturing to himself and Bomi, are old. We still like to gist as usual and as we often say, whatever we discuss in boys land stays in boys land.” Syd offered

“Really? So our discussions never leave this room?” Fega cut in excitedly

Bomi chuckling to himself said “Well that would be entirely true except, Syd here has a big mouth, so whatever Syd knows, just take it that Marg knows too.”

“Hey! Don’t hate the player, hate the game. I can’t help it if I like to discuss things with my babe.”

“Babe? Ahem! Anyway, I also like to discuss things with Ife but I know where to draw the line.”  Bomi stated

Syd standing up and moving towards the window challenged “You see that’s where you are wrong! You are married for Christ sakes. There is no line. You gave up that line at the altar when you said I do.”

“Well registry in our case and that was so long ago. But that is not my point…”

Tyler taking a seat beside Fega offered “Do you want another drink? ‘Cos when those two start, it takes a while before they get it all out of their system. They wouldn’t even notice our absence”

“Sure. Ginger ale?”

“Help yourself to some, there’s all sorts in there” Tyler remarked, pointing Fega in the direction of the fridge.

“Thanks man! I like your friends; they are exactly as you said they would be. It is refreshing to find good Christian men who can still be so down to earth and not so, ‘Peace be with you always uptight’”

Laughing hard, Tyler responded “‘Peace be with you always uptight?’ Is that a different class from the usual uptight people?”

“Yes na! Those are the people that punctuate their every word with ‘eth’, for example they would say Hiseth mercieseth endureth forevereth. Ameneth somebodyeth!”

They both roared in laughter, and then Fega continued,

“But really men, thanks for inviting me over. I needed the break just to chill. You know with the move, the baby coming and everything. That sounds really bad doesn’t it? I don’t mean I need a break from Chima and the baby, I just mean…”

“C’mon! I told you we are not like that. We don’t judge. The mantra is come as you are bro”

“I find that a little hard to believe, no offence to you guys. It’s just that Christians always say that; Come as you are but in reality they put you under a microscope and begin to pick you apart. You know I am just a few years old in this whole Christianity thing and I am grateful for the support but sometimes you just wish you kept your mouth shut because people aren’t always as they seem”

“Bro!  You are sounding like a woman. We are men, we think differently and although we talk amongst ourselves we don’t slip up and let it get to the women folk. That said I know where you’re coming from and can assure you that every one of us here has a story and even though we are open with each other, we don’t cross the line.”

“That is comforting to know. But come oh! Cool people like you, what could you have done in your past that would be so shady? Especially you, even back in high school you were, dare I say, prim and proper.”

“Well that’s a story for another day” Tyler said beginning to pick up the empty cans that littered the kitchen floor.

“Ehn ehn before I forget, I was going to tell you that Chima and I would be honoured if you would be our baby’s godfather. We had a few options but I convinced her that I thought highly of you and that you’ve always been such an upstanding citizen. We, or should I say I , feel you would be an excellent role model for our baby. Before you say anything, at least just please think about it?”

Tyler looking a little worried responded “Wow! It’s great you guys thought of me, with Chima not even knowing me personally but… Well, okay I will think about it and let you know. Let’s rejoin the others?”

“Yeah sure. Thanks buddy.”

“Hey! There you guys are! We thought you had left the oldies to start a new revolution somewhere else” Syd started.

“New revolution? We wouldn’t dare” Tyler light heartedly retorted.

“Abi Ty has been showing you his great culinary prowess? I’m so sure you learnt to cook from Jumai; she was such a great cook Bomi said with a look of reminiscence .

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat “No… I learnt to cook before Jumai came into the picture.”

“Then it has to be that your crazy ex Amanda?” Bomi continued.

 “Jumai? Crazy ex Amanda?” Fega probed.

“Don’t ask” Syd responded.

“If it’s not Jumai or Amanda, then it must be your prison days, but quite frankly I don’t see how that would have worked” Bomi continued.

“Prison?” Fega queried again, looking even more distressed than Tyler. “Emmm… I think it’s time for me to head out.”

“Oh ok. Do you need a ride?” Syd offered

“No thanks, you guys have been enough help for one day. I don’t want to use up all your favour in one day” He said feigning a chuckle.